Like A Mockingbird Review

Story Title: Like A Mockingbird
Author: lust;
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/mocking_lust/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*

Title: 3/5

I don't... really see how it fits . Since a mocking bird... mimics them. and she didn't really copy him or anything. Unless you meant mimic like... like you told the same story twice, just from different points of view.

Forewords: 5/10

I'm glad that you put a short little intro, but it wasn't really... interesting enough to really pull the reader in. Try to add a few quotes, or maybe a small outline in short sentences or something. Even if it's short, it should add a great affect.

First Impression: 10/10

Looks good ;D The quote, even after death, really draws me in and makes me want to know what happens to the lovely couple on the poster. I love how the poster blends into the bg ;D

Plot/Story line: 15/15

Very good. You built it up a lot :D Your storyline was very straightforward, yet it was very elaborate, and everything in the second POV matched the first. The plot of this story had a really interesting twist, that I would have never expected from the first chapter.

Flow: 5/5

I can see this happening in real time, and the chapters were not confusing at all.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10

That was such an amazingly creative story! The different points of view were so... weird and different. I never would have thought that she was crazy by the first one, and then during the second one, I was like "...what's in her hand?! OMO SHE'S SCARY" That was awesome. An excellent idea.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 13/15

a fitted white tee and (1)

a fitted white tee, and

and he was never had time. (1)

and he never had time.

deep breathes (1)

deep breaths

were dimed. (1)

were dimmed.

dimed the lights in the kitchen. (2)

dimmed the lights in the kitchen.

She head bunted me and (2)

Head-butted me

while still out of breathe. (2)

while still out of breath.

stepping my puddle (2)

stepping in my puddle

Writing Style: 7/10

There weren't really that many details in this story. It was short and sweet, but I couldn't really picture the house or the room or any setting at all. You said that the girl was pretty, but you didn't tell How she looked. I think that a few more details would be nice in your writing.

Characterization: 10/10

Even though the chapters were short, you did an excellent job of making SooJin seem completely crazy. Excellent job.

Communication with Readers: 0/5

I didn't really see any communication between you and the readers.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I liked this story a lot. Even though it was super short, I love the different points of view idea. I also loved how she was psychotic, and I loved knowing what she was seeing and feeling, and then what he was seeing and feeling. :D awesome story.

Subtotal: 83/100

Bonus: 5/5

bonus for psychos! :P

Total: 88/105

6 Best Oppas and Just Mi Review

Story Title: 6 Best Oppas and Just Mi

Author: azndomination

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/beastmi/

Status: Completed

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: This review is meant to help the writer and is not criticizing in any way=). *

Title: 4/5
-Your title set the mood for the story; it told readers that it was going to be a fun, light read=). I also liked how you played on her name!

Forewords: 10/10

-I thought your foreword was perfect! It had a character breakdown, an author’s note and a lovely preview! But the fake article was a bit confusing though because at times, it sounded like you were the one talking/fangirl-ing XD!

First Impression: 8/10

-Your story was very organized and you named everything properly. And of course, what’s a story without some pretty visuals=)? You had a poster and a great background that went well with your font colour.

Plot/Story line: 12/15

-You have mostly everything a good story should have; the background info and the most important part, the climax. I just thought the plot was a little too simple and could’ve had more going on. You have to keep readers interested so that they want to keep reading.

Flow: 4/5
-This is a one-shot but even so, you had pretty good flow=). It was only one chapter which is all I think it needed and it didn’t drag on like other ones I’ve seen that are “one-shots” but are as long as five chapters.

Creativity/Originality: 5/10
-Your idea isn’t that original. I’ve seen it done many times and it didn’t really have anything that made it different or stand out except for the fact that she’s the only girl in a guy group. But the part about debuting and anti’s has been done way too much.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15
-Your spelling and grammar isn’t perfect but it isn’t bad either! (But then again, whose is?) You could improve on your vocabulary though because I think there are better words to use when it comes to certain sentences. I picked some out to show you=):

“The tv flickers on and shows the Korean/Chinese teenager who spent her training years from age 15 in America.” (Forewords)

            -You should rearrange this sentence so that it makes more sense: “The TV flickers on and shows the Korean/Chinese teenager, who spent many years training in America from the age of 15.”

“AJ said already trying out the couch couple feet away from their 42 inch plasma tv. The rest of the guys” (Chapter 1)

            -There should be a comma after “said” and the last part didn’t make sense; maybe you forgot to finish the sentence?

“Here they are, the rookie group that's causing such a contriversary with 1 gender groups, B 2 S T!!!" (Chapter 1)

            -“Controversy” is the correct spelling and the one would work better if it was spelled out

Writing Style: 6/10
-Your writing style is very simple but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means it doesn’t really have it’s own personality=p. I would suggest using more adjectives to give better visuals and maybe describe the setting a bit more=).

Characterization: 6/10
-Yes, they are celebrities but because they aren’t that popular yet, a lot of people might not know what they’re like yet. You should show what each of them are like more clearly. The only two that I could distinguish are Mi Eun and Yo Seob.

Communication with Readers: 5/5
-You’re super friendly and enthusiastic about B2ST, which gives off such a great vibe! I’d definetely want to be your friend XD!

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

-Although the idea has been done quite a bit, I’m still a sucker for them=p. All it was missing was a little romance!

Subtotal: 76/100

Bonus: 5/5

I’m giving you full bonus points because…you got me hooked on them! I’ve never heard of them but not I’m in love with them! Especially AJ and Yo Seob *sigh*.

Total: 81/100