Questionable Fluff Review

Story Title: Questionable Fluff

Author: .flavored

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/flavored_7

Status: Completed

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ Untouchable Desires

*Note: Please DO NOT take my comments seriously as to getting insulted. I am here to help you improve, or what not. I have nothing against the author and vice versa. I am here to do my job so please take my comments as something to benefit from, rather than insults. I am a harsh reviewer that may say things that are not pleasing to the author, yet again I am just a reviewer, here to help the author improve their writing skills and intelligence.*

Title: 3/5

The title was really interesting. I liked it since it was REALLY unique. The connection with the story, although, is somewhat off. The meanings of the words can connect to the actual title and story, but the connection wasn’t strong enough. Make sure to choose a title that explains the story itself.

Forewords: 5/10

Your forewords were okay, I guess. I’m not a big fan of it though. You had definitions, but as the reader, do you think that it would be interesting for us to read? Maybe to some, yes. But for the rest, I wouldn’t say it’s captivating. Be sure to include previews and such into it. Introduction of characters and even the author is recommended. Just be sure to lengthen it and make it so that readers would be looking forward to it, not only because of the characters included in it.

First Impression: 8/10

I liked your poster and background. Your organization, although, can be improved.

Plot/Story line: 11/15

I loved your story, but I was disappointed in the end. You started off with Kim Bum saying bye to Soeun, but in the end they live happily ever after. I know some start like that, but there’s no connection at all. During the climax, I was really excited and LOVING what was happening at the time, but the ending doesn’t seem to fit. I think it all happened too fast. ALSO, when they were set up, it wasn’t explained thoroughly. Yes, one is a sadist and the other is a masochist, but don’t you think that having both in a relationship is trouble? Explanations in detail would’ve been appreciated. Nonetheless, I liked your story and I know that you have the ability to improve on them.

Flow: 3/5

The flow was fast; way too fast. Concerning the ending, it was too fast. Be sure to give the ending a thorough edit because that’s what most people look at. Yes, a happy ending is fine, but a well done ending is much better.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

I found the story really creative at some point. I did feel that you tried to make the story as creative and original as possible. I believe you deserved the 8. Good job.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15

Your grammar was well done. I understood everything. Your grammar and vocabulary were back and forth from simple to complex which is fine. Once in a while you made spelling mistakes, also affecting your grammar. I found that you really didn’t need help on this one since you seemed experienced, and so my only advice would be that you re-read your story twice at the least. Sometimes, editing helps but people can still make mistakes or skip some stuff during then. I had no problems with your punctuation.

Writing Style: 7/10

Your writing style was done well. It’s a bit unorganized at some parts, but overall, it was well done. I guess you could just revise and fix your paragraphs. You’re at the satisfactory level and it is definitely acceptable.

Characterization: 8/10

“Being a reviewer, I have no rights in judging your choice of characters. I had no problems with your characterization. I’m not supposed to be picky with characters. It’s basically up to the author themselves to pick their characters.” Coming from me, the only thing you would be able to improve on is the way you introduce these characters. The character’s personalities were well portrayed which is good, but introducing them would be an addon.

Communication with Readers: 3/5

No problem. You communicated with them well. & you made sure they were still there ;)

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Your story was REALLY REALLY interesting. DO improve your endings though.

Subtotal: 71/100

Bonus: 3/5

I know that this request was requested long time ago, so I’m really sorry for the lateness. I hope my comments weren’t harsh :(

Total: 74/100

Season Changes Review

Story Title: Season Changes

Author: hann

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/seasonchange/

Status: On-going

Reviewer: Juliada3

*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*

Title: 2/5

Your title was not very specific and didn't quite match with your story. It had nothing to do with the seasons, except for a very vague metaphor about Fahrenheit. It kind of worked, but the title doesn't catch people's attention very much, because it doesn't draw the reader in. The symbols at the end were also extraneous and not needed.

Forewords: 1/10

Your forewords told nothing about your story whatsoever. You gave no synopsis of the story, and you didn't describe the characters or even tell who your characters were. You could draw more readers with a good forewords.

First Impression: 6/10

My first impression was that your story was okay. Your poster was good, and your background was okay, but I wasn't that impressed with it. I couldn't quite grasp the mood or theme that you were going for, since the main color was pink. It just didn't seem to convey a message.

Plot/Story line: 13/15

I was surprised to realize that your plot was basically four stories kind of tied up into one. At first, I thought it was just one story. When I got to the second part, then I realized that you had four mini stories. I was pretty interested in your story and I hope you do the Calvin story soon, and wrap all of the stories up.

Flow: 3/5

Your flow was pretty good, but you started rushing near the end of the third story. You already acknowledged that, but you should go back and fix it to make it better.

Creativity/Originality: 9/10

I thought this idea was pretty creative. I liked it because you were able to show everyone's point of view and their own story. That was pretty original. You also turned Aaron into a mute, which I've never seen before, and you also gave Hebe a disability. I liked the Bebu story, and I actually think that one was the best one out of the three that you have written so far.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 10/15

You had a few grammar mistakes, and you misspelled some words. Your vocabulary could improve, but your punctuation seemed fine.

Writing Style: 9/10

Your writing style is good. You separate every couple of lines with space, which helps the readers reading it because they don't get lost. It also makes it easier to read. It's in paragraph form, which I like to use too, but since it is, you could make use of tons of details to describe it.

Characterization: 6/10

Your characterization of Ella was pretty good. When Chun described her, you could really understand her. Aaron was also explained pretty well. You could improve if you described all of the characters, not just a couple, and make all of them come to life.

Communication with Readers: 3/5

One of the moments when I thought the communication was good was when Aaron and Hebe find out each others' disabilities. You sympathize with both of them, and when they are hurt by Rainie's words, you want to comfort them. On the other two stories, I couldn't seem to feel the same communication as the first one. Keep working hard!

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I actually liked this story quite a bit. It is really interesting. I'll be waiting for you to finish it!

Subtotal: 65/100

Bonus: 3/5

Total: 68/100

Loving You Hurts Review

Story Title: Loving You Hurts
Author: saranghaeyo
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/saranghaeyo_81/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Ms. McFartPants xP (Linlin Vito)

Note: Author should know that I do not know her and vice versa. Me, the reviewer, have nothing against the author. If you find the comments too harsh or mean, sorry but I'm just doing this to improve your skills for future stories. Thank you for requesting in Untouchable Desires.

Title: 5/5
; The title matches the plot perfectly! It's unique but at the same time, it's not that too eye-catchy. But I'll give you a 5.

Forewords: 6/10
; Good job on putting the character's info. But you should add stuffs like what's the story's about or what's the genre or something like that.

First Impression: 8/10
; The poster was very attractive. It also matched the background but I don't think the font colors match it too. You could change the colors to pink or gray or black- or something like that.

Plot/Story line: 12/15
; The plot is fantastic- it was so good. It always made me think what will happen next and there's always a good mx that made it attractive. Good job!

Flow: 3/5
; The plot was I think is too fast. It made me repeat reading the chapters so I could understand it.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10
; I think the story's plot was too cliche. Gangster plus love triangle- I don't think it's original. But the plot was so creative.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 10/15
; A lot of gramming and spelling mistakes. Mind going back to the chapters and repost them.

Writing Style: 8/10
; It wasn't that good, but it's still okay.

Characterization: 9/10
; AWESOME! So speechless right now.. sorry. xP

Communication with Readers: 5/5
; x.o.x.o.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5


Subtotal: 77/100

Bonus: 5/5

Total: 82/100

Checkmate Review

Story Title: Checkmate

Author: D14

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/chmate/

Status: On-going

Reviewer: morning_glory

*Note: This in no way is to be taken as an offense against the author or the story. This is an honest review intended for critiquing and helping the story, nothing else.*

Title: 3/5 Not really sure how the title fits with the story yet, but we will see.

Forewords: 10/10 Your forewords were very nice, short and sweet. Oh, but at the beginning, did you mean to say It or If?

If seemed so familiar…
It felt like they were part of my life…
It felt… warm…

First Impression: 10/10 The poster was really dramatic, it really grabbed my attention.

Plot/Story line: 12/15 Your plot is of course vampires. But, it’s different from others I have read, so good job, do your best!

Flow: 5/5 Your speed is pretty good, not too fast. Try to keep it that way. :)

Creativity/Originality: 10/10 Pretty original so far.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15 Just a couple, not much. Just double check over it before you submit it.

Writing Style: 10/10 Your writing style is really good, balanced.

Characterization: 10/10 Your characters are really different, I can get a feel for how they’re like almost immediately.

Communication with Readers: 5/5 Very talkative to readers, very nice.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Subtotal: 92/100

Bonus: 3/5 Thanks for requesting at UD!

Oh, and your story has a great beginning, so we await the next chapters!

Total: 95/100

I Love You Too Review

Story Title: I Love You Too

Author: saranghaeyo

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/saranghaeyo_80/

Status: Complete

Reviewer: morning_glory

*Note: This in no way is to be taken as an offense against the author or the story. This is an honest review intended for critiquing and helping the story, nothing else.*

Title: 4/5 Your title didn’t really fit with your story when it started out, but near the end, it all kind of made more sense.

Forewords: 10/10 Your forewords seem interesting, nice description of the characters. Also, you had a great cliffhanger.

First Impression: 10/10 The poster and background were very nicely done, it worked with your story. :)

Plot/Story line: 10/15 Your plot is kind of common, seeing as how the guy already has a girl, then likes the new girl. But, even though it was not that original, I felt that it kept its own flair, that it wasn’t boring, which was good.

Flow: 3/5 It was a bit too fast, like I said, but later it did kind of even out.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10 As I said earlier, it wasn’t very original. But your characters, the way you made them, were pretty creative. :)

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15 There were a couple grammar mistakes, not many spelling.

Ex: You turned around not seeing anything.

Should be: You turned around, but you didn’t see anything.

Just maybe spell check or something. You know, double check. :)

Writing Style: 8/10 You could make your story a bit neater. You write the descriptions and the dialogue right next to each other, and sometimes it makes it look messy.

Characterization: 1010 Your characters were really pretty interesting, good job.

Communication with Readers: 4/5 Your rapport with your readers is pretty good. But you could also respond more on the comments page, too. :)

Overall Enjoyment 5/5 :P Yes, I did enjoy reading this story.

Subtotal: 80/100

Bonus: 3/5 Thank you for requesting at UD. :)

Total: 86/100

Lost in my own world Review

Story Title: Lost in my own world

Author: Markie

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/makus/

Status: Complete

Reviewer: Juliada3

*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*

Title: 4/5
Your title indicates a mysterious fanfic, and it fits the story well. It doesn't give away too much of the story, but also gets people interested.

Forewords: 6/10
Your forewords have a good synopsis, but you could improve them if you added information about the characters and described them. That way people would understand them more.

First Impression: 8/10
It was mysterious looking, and pretty gothic looking. Your poster and background were perfect and echoed the same tone as the title. Your text is in white, so it's really easy to read, which is good.

Plot/Story line: 12/15
Your plot was pretty interesting. It had some things in it that made it interesting and made me want to keep reading. Your story had some suspenseful parts that peaked my curiosity. Good job!

Flow: 4/5
Your story flows pretty well. There weren't any parts that really stood out like events happening too fast or too slow. You did a pretty good job on this. Keep it up!

Creativity/Originality: 7/10
This story was pretty creative. It's not something you see every day. Your storyline is pretty original and creative, but some of the elements you used were not. You combined all of them together pretty well, but it would be even better if you added something different. If you didn't, then your story wouldn't stand out among the other vampire stories.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15
You have some words that are capitalized that should not be. You also have a few grammar mistakes. You also have some sentences that have words missing, which make some of them not coherent enough. Your spelling is pretty good, I only saw one or two mistakes. You have an average vocabulary, but you could change up some of your words a little.

Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style is good. You space in between every couple of sentences, which is good because it helps separate the thoughts out which helps the reader when they are reading it.

Characterization: 7/10
Your characters are pretty good, but some of them don't seem to have distinct personalities. If you emphasized some of each character's qualities that make them different from the others, then they will seem alive instead of just words online.

Communication with Readers: 3/5
There were some moments that connected with the reader, like Jaejoong's struggles and Yunho's internal strife about the Fallen. You could add some more moments like those that would make the reader sympathize with your characters, and put themselves in their shoes.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I enjoyed your plotline with the Fallen and Jaejoong's past. It was very interesting, and kept me reading. Keep working hard!

Subtotal: 72/100

Bonus: 1/5

Total: 73/100

I Love You Too Review

Story Title: I Love You Too

Author: saranghaeyo

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/saranghaeyo_80/

Status: Completed

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: This reviewer has nothing against the writer and anything said is meant to help them improve. If anything sounds harsh, it is not meant to be and hopefully the write won’t take it the wrong way=)*

Title: 2/5

-Your title isn’t very catchy or appealing; if I saw it in a list, I might’ve just read past it. This is partially because your title can apply to any story really and doesn’t say much about YOUR story and what makes it unique.

Forewords: 10/10

-I see nothing wrong with your foreword and it has a little of everything so your readers know who you are and what kind of story you’re going to be telling.

First Impression: 7/10

-From the graphics and the colours that you used, I got the feeling that it was going to be a light read and wasn’t going to be anything too depressing, which is good because I’ve been losing a lot of tears lately=p! Browsing through your contents though, you had a lot of “skips” and blank pages.

Plot/Story line: 12/15

-You carried out everything all right, your flow was a bit off but that’s another section. You had a lot of conflicts which is good because that keeps things interesting. You also didn’t just leave it unsolved which is good because that can be frustrating when writers don’t go back to it.

Flow: 2/5

-There are certain things that don’t make sense when it comes to your story. They were things that might make readers question things or scratch their heads and wonder what’s going on.

In chapter 21, Ji Yong said he loves “me” my whole life but he gets a girl pregnant and suddenly it’s okay to break up just like that? If he really loved me as much as he said he did, he broke up with me very suddenly and just forgot our love?

In chapter 29, “I” am afraid of Yoochun’s touches after I was beat up by Boa but “I” wasn’t raped by her; if anything, I should be afraid of him after I was almost raped by TOP.

When “I” found out I was pregnant, everyone was so happy even though it happened while we were so young. I think it should be more realistic if some people were against it. I mean, if me or you came home pregnant, I’m sure our parents wouldn’t be all cheerful.

Creativity/Originality: 6/10

-Your ideas weren’t things that I haven’t read before but it was different having to picture myself as the female lead and I’ve seen them around but never actually read one myself=p.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 11/15

-There’s nothing wrong with the spelling of your words but there were a bit of grammar mistakes. I know no one’s perfect but I just thought I’d point them out and tell you so you can keep a lookout for them in the future because it looks like you write a lot!

“I really miss you _____ saranghaeyo…” (Chapter 1)

-There should be a comma after the blank so that there is a pause.

“I am the richest and most handsomest guy in the school so watch your mouth!" (Chapter 3)

-It would sound better if you just said “handsome” because even though the word “handsomest” does exist, it’s not really proper and it would be better if you didn’t use it too often.

“When I looked up to see who did this to me I saw a whole bunch of meaning looking girls. Correction sluts.” (Chapter 3)

-You’re missing a few punctuations here. Remember what I said about the pause and mean doesn’t need the “ing”. It should be: “When I looked up to see who did this to me, I saw a bunch of mean looking girls; correction, sluts.

"Ms.Kim please take your seat I know this is your first day but you should know how to take your seat when the bell rings at least." (Chapter 6)

-There should be a comma after “Ms. Kim” because she’s addressing someone. There should also be a period after “seat” because you change the subject after that.

"daddy where did auntie hyeboo go?...She went to live with her son in the sky." (Chapter 43)

-I’m assuming you’re talking about “me” but I didn’t know my name was “Hyeboo” =p.

Writing Style: 6/10

-You don’t put much description into your writing so sometimes it’s hard to picture things and get the feel of the atmosphere. Maybe if you did this more, readers could feel the mood better.

Characterization: 6/10

-I know they’re all celebrities and not fictional but even in fanfics, they tend to have their own personalities. You should’ve worked a bit more on who they were and where they came from so readers already know what they’re like.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

-Of course I’m going to give you a perfect score for this because you always leave little friendly notes=).

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

-This is my first fanfic where I have to picture myself so it was very interesting. I still enjoyed it despite what I said about the flow=p.

Subtotal: 70/100

Bonus: 4/5

-Anything with DBSK always deserve a bonus=D!

Total: 74/100

And Goodbye Review

Story Title: And Goodbye

Author: AppleMIN
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/goodbye_AS/
Status: One-Shot//Completed
Reviewer: Ms. McFartPants (Linlin Vito)

Note: Author should know that I do not know her and vice versa. Me, the reviewer, have nothing against the author. If you find the comments too harsh or mean, sorry but I'm just doing this to improve your skills for future stories. Thank you for requesting in Untouchable Desires.

Title: 4/5
: I wasn't that impressed with the title. Yeah- it was fantastic but I guess you could do something better than that!

Forewords: 9/10
: So this was the continuation! Girl, if you just told me earlier that "Remember Me" is going to have a sequel, then I shouldn't had given you a low grade on the review. The forewords was so good. You actually found a way to describe the first person's perspectives by just writing simple sentences. So creative!

First Impression: 9/10
: Like before, I am still impressed with your poster! And the font color was good, but maybe you could change the background. It's just my opinion; but I guess it's kinda bright.. well, for me.

Plot/Story line: 12/15
: Okay.. I have to be serious about this. The plot nearly made me cry- and I'm not joking about this. The way how the song fits so perfectly with the plot was just so mesmerizing. But it was quite confusing for me; first I thought that Anna took the surgery, but then as time passes, Sungmin finds out that she didn't.. and now he has an album?!

Flow: 5/5
: The story's flow was, as usual, perfect!

Creativity/Originality: 10/10
: Now you made me proud! Your creativity was so wide- I mean your imagination. I'm so impressed with the story.. and also the writer, of course!

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 15/15
: Like before, I didn't notice any wrong spellings or grammings. :D Good job!

Writing Style: 8/10
: When I first read your story- Remember Me- I thought that the deep thoughts were just written by you because of the mood of the story. But then, after reading this, I think that your style is quite difficult to catch. I mean, the twists are always appearing late.

Characterization: 10/10
: The characters were the best of the best. Their roles are so good and so awesome!

Communication with Readers: 4/5
: One quick tip, you should use words that are not so deep because kids that have the same age as me, hehehe, will have difficulties in understanding it.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
: I also love this fanfic! Never give up and continue writing stories! Anyway, what are the other links for your other fanfics! Please send me all of them at linlinvito@yahoo.ca.

Subtotal: 91/100

Bonus: 4/5

Total: 95/100

River Flows In You Review

Story Title: River Flows In You

Author: ‘Niii

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_riverflow/

Status: Completed ; One-shot

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ Untouchable Desires

*Note: Please DO NOT take my comments seriously as to getting insulted. I am here to help you improve, or what not. I have nothing against the author and vice versa. I am here to do my job so please take my comments as something to benefit from, rather than insults. I am a harsh reviewer that may say things that are not pleasing to the author, yet again I am just a reviewer, here to help the author improve their writing skills and intelligence.*

Title: 4/5

I liked your choice of title. Because of your choice, you were able to back your story up with songs, etc. I liked the title, yes, but its connection with the story wasn’t strong. Rather, you weren’t able to refer to the title as much as I was hoping. Basically, the only thing I want you to improve on is the actual connection between the story and the title. Besides that, it was good.

Forewords: 5/10

It wasn’t enough for me. Let’s just say that I WAS left hanging, but I guess it wasn’t detailed enough. I know that in the forewords you aren’t supposed to give away much, but lengthening it, in your case, would help a lot. Next time, just add more to your forewords, but remember not to give away the one-shot, alright?

First Impression: 8/10

The poster and background was good. The story didn’t capture my eyes immediately though. Since you didn’t make the poster, this doesn’t go to you. Organization is well done though.

Plot/Story line: 13/15

In some cases, I got lost. Indeed, your storyline and plot had its own originality, but the whole leaving part is very obvious to me. Just make sure that when you make your sentences complex, make sure you don’t lose the readers half way through.

Flow: 3/5

The flow was good for a one shot; it wasn’t too fast or to slow.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

I liked what you were able to put into the story. Concerning the organization, you were able to manage it and add your own creativity at the same time; same with the originality. The only thing I’d advice you is to make sure that you don’t get carried away with creativity. I mean, it’s great that you have a lot of creativity, but being to overwhelm can confuse the readers.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 13/15

I didn’t see any problems with you here. But then again, I got lost because of your language. I had to read it twice, but then again, it may just be me. Continue what you’re doing.

Writing Style: 8/10

The writing style was indeed likeable. It was really easy to read. Do continue this.

Characterization: 9/10

Alright, so here is my explanation: “Being a reviewer, I have no rights in judging your choice of characters. I had no problems with your characterization. I’m not supposed to be picky with characters. It’s basically up to the author themselves to pick their characters.”

You managed to portray the personalities of the characteristics well here. Good be better, but I couldn’t ask for more. JUST please do consider making their personalities well known.

Communication with Readers: 3/5

Pretty good :) The readers love you, be sure to communicate with them a lot :P

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I liked your story. Good job.

Subtotal: 77/100

Bonus: 3/5

Sorry for making you wait :S, Good luck! & for the misunderstanding we had with the request, I apologize sincerely.

Total: 80/105

She's All That Review

Story Title: She’s All That

Author: cutterpillow

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/SAT/

Status: Complete

Reviewer: morning_glory

*Note: Please do not get angry about what I write down there. They are just honest critiques, to help you improve.*

Title: 3/5 The title is ok, but I don’t think that it really fits with your story.

Forewords: 10/10 Your forewords were very detailed, nothing to say here.

First Impression: 6/10 The poster and background don’t seem to mesh with the storyline, it doesn’t really flow.

Plot/Story line: 12/15 Your storyline is a bit too common, way over-used. There were a couple twists, such as the attic and the scooter, so that was in your favor. Good job in not lingering on unimportant details.

Flow: 5/5 Your flow was fine, no problems there.

Creativity/Originality: 6/10 Again, not very original.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 11/15 You had a couple grammar problems, but overall, I could understand what you meant. But if you want, you could get a beta reader to proofread your story for you, like at season-of-mists.blogspot.com.

Writing Style: 10/10 Your writing style is pretty balanced, descriptive and dialogue. :)

Characterization: 10/10 You did a pretty good job with making their personalities stand out, so that it was plain to readers what they were like.

Communication with Readers: 5/5 You seem to communicate pretty well with readers.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 This was a nice story. :P

Subtotal: 83/100

Bonus: 3/5 Thank you for requesting at UD! :)

Total: 86/100