Story Title: Like A Mockingbird
Author: lust;
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/mocking_lust/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 3/5
I don't... really see how it fits . Since a mocking bird... mimics them. and she didn't really copy him or anything. Unless you meant mimic like... like you told the same story twice, just from different points of view.
Forewords: 5/10
I'm glad that you put a short little intro, but it wasn't really... interesting enough to really pull the reader in. Try to add a few quotes, or maybe a small outline in short sentences or something. Even if it's short, it should add a great affect.
First Impression: 10/10
Looks good ;D The quote, even after death, really draws me in and makes me want to know what happens to the lovely couple on the poster. I love how the poster blends into the bg ;D
Plot/Story line: 15/15
Very good. You built it up a lot :D Your storyline was very straightforward, yet it was very elaborate, and everything in the second POV matched the first. The plot of this story had a really interesting twist, that I would have never expected from the first chapter.
Flow: 5/5
I can see this happening in real time, and the chapters were not confusing at all.
Creativity/Originality: 10/10
That was such an amazingly creative story! The different points of view were so... weird and different. I never would have thought that she was crazy by the first one, and then during the second one, I was like "...what's in her hand?! OMO SHE'S SCARY" That was awesome. An excellent idea.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 13/15
a fitted white tee and (1)
a fitted white tee, and
and he was never had time. (1)
and he never had time.
deep breathes (1)
deep breaths
were dimed. (1)
were dimmed.
dimed the lights in the kitchen. (2)
dimmed the lights in the kitchen.
She head bunted me and (2)
Head-butted me
while still out of breathe. (2)
while still out of breath.
stepping my puddle (2)
stepping in my puddle
Writing Style: 7/10
There weren't really that many details in this story. It was short and sweet, but I couldn't really picture the house or the room or any setting at all. You said that the girl was pretty, but you didn't tell How she looked. I think that a few more details would be nice in your writing.
Characterization: 10/10
Even though the chapters were short, you did an excellent job of making SooJin seem completely crazy. Excellent job.
Communication with Readers: 0/5
I didn't really see any communication between you and the readers.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I liked this story a lot. Even though it was super short, I love the different points of view idea. I also loved how she was psychotic, and I loved knowing what she was seeing and feeling, and then what he was seeing and feeling. :D awesome story.
Subtotal: 83/100
Bonus: 5/5
bonus for psychos! :P
Total: 88/105
Friday, January 1, 2010
6 Best Oppas and Just Mi Review
Story Title: 6 Best Oppas and Just Mi
Author: azndomination
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/beastmi/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: m_girl07
*Note: This review is meant to help the writer and is not criticizing in any way=). *
Title: 4/5
-Your title set the mood for the story; it told readers that it was going to be a fun, light read=). I also liked how you played on her name!
-Your title set the mood for the story; it told readers that it was going to be a fun, light read=). I also liked how you played on her name!
Forewords: 10/10
-I thought your foreword was perfect! It had a character breakdown, an author’s note and a lovely preview! But the fake article was a bit confusing though because at times, it sounded like you were the one talking/fangirl-ing XD!
First Impression: 8/10
First Impression: 8/10
-Your story was very organized and you named everything properly. And of course, what’s a story without some pretty visuals=)? You had a poster and a great background that went well with your font colour.
Plot/Story line: 12/15
Plot/Story line: 12/15
-You have mostly everything a good story should have; the background info and the most important part, the climax. I just thought the plot was a little too simple and could’ve had more going on. You have to keep readers interested so that they want to keep reading.
Flow: 4/5
-This is a one-shot but even so, you had pretty good flow=). It was only one chapter which is all I think it needed and it didn’t drag on like other ones I’ve seen that are “one-shots” but are as long as five chapters.
Flow: 4/5
-This is a one-shot but even so, you had pretty good flow=). It was only one chapter which is all I think it needed and it didn’t drag on like other ones I’ve seen that are “one-shots” but are as long as five chapters.
Creativity/Originality: 5/10
-Your idea isn’t that original. I’ve seen it done many times and it didn’t really have anything that made it different or stand out except for the fact that she’s the only girl in a guy group. But the part about debuting and anti’s has been done way too much.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15
-Your spelling and grammar isn’t perfect but it isn’t bad either! (But then again, whose is?) You could improve on your vocabulary though because I think there are better words to use when it comes to certain sentences. I picked some out to show you=):
“The tv flickers on and shows the Korean/Chinese teenager who spent her training years from age 15 in America.” (Forewords)
-You should rearrange this sentence so that it makes more sense: “The TV flickers on and shows the Korean/Chinese teenager, who spent many years training in America from the age of 15.”
“AJ said already trying out the couch couple feet away from their 42 inch plasma tv. The rest of the guys” (Chapter 1)
-There should be a comma after “said” and the last part didn’t make sense; maybe you forgot to finish the sentence?
“Here they are, the rookie group that's causing such a contriversary with 1 gender groups, B 2 S T!!!" (Chapter 1)
-“Controversy” is the correct spelling and the one would work better if it was spelled out
Writing Style: 6/10
-Your writing style is very simple but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means it doesn’t really have it’s own personality=p. I would suggest using more adjectives to give better visuals and maybe describe the setting a bit more=).
Characterization: 6/10
-Yes, they are celebrities but because they aren’t that popular yet, a lot of people might not know what they’re like yet. You should show what each of them are like more clearly. The only two that I could distinguish are Mi Eun and Yo Seob.
Communication with Readers: 5/5
-You’re super friendly and enthusiastic about B2ST, which gives off such a great vibe! I’d definetely want to be your friend XD!
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
-Although the idea has been done quite a bit, I’m still a sucker for them=p. All it was missing was a little romance!
Subtotal: 76/100
Bonus: 5/5
I’m giving you full bonus points because…you got me hooked on them! I’ve never heard of them but not I’m in love with them! Especially AJ and Yo Seob *sigh*.
Total: 81/100
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Shattered Memories Review
Story Title: Shattered Memories
Author: 13nz
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Juliada3
*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*
Title: 5/5
Your title is pretty good, it is a little mysterious, but also describes the story well.
Your title is pretty good, it is a little mysterious, but also describes the story well.
Forewords: 9/10
Your forewords were really good. They described the characters and and gave a synopsis of your story.
Your forewords were really good. They described the characters and and gave a synopsis of your story.
First Impression: 8/10
My first impression was that the story and the poster matched. The title Shattered Memories indicated confusion, and the feeling of being lost, and the scattered post-its and pictures in the poster match that well. Your background was not out of place, but pretty mellow.
My first impression was that the story and the poster matched. The title Shattered Memories indicated confusion, and the feeling of being lost, and the scattered post-its and pictures in the poster match that well. Your background was not out of place, but pretty mellow.
Plot/Story line: 13/15
Your plot was pretty good. It was a little predictable in the parts where the girl forgot the guy, but they still ended up together, but that was good because otherwise we might not like the way it ended up!
Your plot was pretty good. It was a little predictable in the parts where the girl forgot the guy, but they still ended up together, but that was good because otherwise we might not like the way it ended up!
Flow: 3/5
Your flow was pretty good, not much rushing that I could tell.
Creativity/Originality: 6/10
Creativity/Originality: 6/10
I thought it was okay, but there was nothing that was completely new, that I had never seen before. You should work on this.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15
You have several grammar problems, so maybe you could use spell check on microsoft word or something? if you want, if you really want to fix everything, you can tell me and i'll help you.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15
You have several grammar problems, so maybe you could use spell check on microsoft word or something? if you want, if you really want to fix everything, you can tell me and i'll help you.
Writing Style: 6/10
Your writing style is good, but it kind of seems like you are doing script form at the same time as you are doing paragraph form. During dialogue, I don't think you need to space out each separate line. It also sometimes gets confusing since you don't put names, and I don't know which character is talking. If you take the dialogue and put it in paragraph form also and add names, it will make it easier to understand. The spacing is good, and helps people read it better.
Characterization: 7/10
Your characterization is pretty good, but for some of the other characters you could improve on their personalities. Make them come alive!
Characterization: 7/10
Your characterization is pretty good, but for some of the other characters you could improve on their personalities. Make them come alive!
Communication with Readers: 4/5
I think that the car crash and loss of memories is a pretty good thing that speaks to the readers. Also the pain of losing the one you loved is also felt by many.
I think that the car crash and loss of memories is a pretty good thing that speaks to the readers. Also the pain of losing the one you loved is also felt by many.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
This story was pretty enjoyable for me to read. Keep writing!
Subtotal: 75/100
Bonus: 2/5
Total: 77/100
Slow Motion Review
Story Title: Slow Motion
Author: BoBoLi0us
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Juliada3
*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*
Title: 4/5
Your title matches your story wonderfully.
Your title matches your story wonderfully.
Forewords: 7/10
Your forewords were pretty good, but you could have described the characters some, and given the readers some idea of the personalities of your characters.
First Impression: 8/10
First Impression: 8/10
At first glance, this story looks sad and depressing, and the poster and background match perfectly. The font color is good because it shows up against the background and it is able to be seen.
Plot/Story line: 8/15
Plot/Story line: 8/15
Your plot is pretty simple. But the thing is, nothing happens really. It just tells about a random occurrence, but it affects the guy's life. If you had gotten into the guy's life more and elaborated about how exactly the girl affected him, and created a huge thing out of that one encounter, your story would have been much more exciting.
Flow: 4/5
Your story flowed pretty well. It did not speed up or drag on.
Flow: 4/5
Your story flowed pretty well. It did not speed up or drag on.
Creativity/Originality: 8/10
The plot itself was pretty original, but because you didn't expand the story, it made the story not as interesting.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 8/15
You have some grammar problems and spelling problems. Some words are missing letters, and some of your sentences are not clear. Your vocabulary could improve, but your punctuation is pretty good.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style is pretty good, but you could have spaced them out better. If you had organized them according to the other thoughts they are related to, it might be easier to understand.
Characterization: 8/10
I think you characterized your two main characters well. You gave them both distinct personalities that made them unique. Good job!
Communication with Readers: 3/5
I think you really drew the readers in with the fact that a guy wanted love, but lost his chance.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Subtotal: 68/100
Bonus: 2/5
Total: 70/100
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tied Fates Review
Story Title: Tied Fates
Author: hydraheiress
Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/TFF/
Status: On-going
Reviewer: morning_glory
*Note: This in no way is to be taken as an offense against the author or the story. This is an honest review intended for critiquing and helping the story, nothing else.*
Title: 5/5 This title is quite appropriate for your story, seeing as how you show that even though they are not together, their fates are always together.:)
Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords is REALLY long. Maybe you should have made the Prologue as Chapter 1, so then it wouldn’t have seemed too cluttered. You could have just done a short summary, just to interest your readers. And you could have done a more detailed description of each character, just to give us an idea.
First Impression: 10/10 The background and poster do fit with the dark nature of the story; the font is easy to read, which is good.
Plot/Story line: 13/15 Your plot is really fantastical. I don’t think I have seen anything quite like it, which is good. The story line is different, and there does seem to be something important happening in every paragraph, each line, which moves the story along and doesn’t just fill up space.
Flow: 4/5 The flow of the story was at the beginning, kind of slow, when you started it. But it seemed to me that as it went along, the pace increased to a more steady pace, unfolding at a good rate.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10 Even though you adapted this from a manga, you said it yourself that some of this is definitely your idea, so I will give you points for that.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15 Your grammar and punctuation doesn’t really need that much correction, but there were just little things, that you could probably correct if you just looked over it once, and just spell-checked it. Your vocabulary was simple, but since this is your third language, I won’t really take off; just there are more words that you can use out there. :P
Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is pretty good for your third language. Even though it’s not flowery, that doesn’t really matter for this story, because it doesn’t really require that much fluff. There’s an adequate amount of both description and dialogue, which is really nice.
Characterization: 8/10 Your characterization of each of your characters is a work in progress; you could have depicted the minor characters more, with a bit more focus on them.
Communication with Readers: 5/5 Very good, you communicated with everyone as much as you could.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 I like fantasy stories, so this was great to read.
Subtotal: 84/100
Bonus: 2/5 Thanks for requesting from UD! ^^
Total: 86/100
Friday, November 6, 2009
July 26th Review
Title: July 26th
Author: Star-chan
Status: Completed
Reviewer: precious_star32 @ Untouchable Desires
Title: 5/5
The title fits your story well. It makes the readers think why is your title July 26?
Forewords: 9/10
I really like how you write your forewords. When I first read your forewords, I know that your story is really nice.
First Impression: 9/10
The poster is atrractive as well as the background. It matches your story. The title of your story makes the readers really curious. I like the title. My first impression on your story was, I started to question myself. Why is it July 26. So when I started reading it until the end, I finally got my answer.
Plot/Storyline: 13/15
Your story is quite unique. Although at first I was quite bored but your story is nice.
Flow: 5/5
The flow of your story is just right. So no problem with that.
Creativity/Originality: 10/10
Since your story is based on a true story, i consider this original.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15
You made a few mistakes though. Like you started with the conjunction "but".
You wrote: We were the same age and in the same class. But I still saw her from time to time.
It should be: We were the same age and in the same class, but I still saw her from time to time.
It would have been better if you wrote it this way...
You wrote: We went our separate ways, you walking your own path. I was walking mine.
It should be: We went our separate ways, your walking on your own path and I was walking mine.
You wrote: "See? This is why you don’t go to the toilets alone." She had warned me.
It should be: "See? This is why you shouldn't go to the toilets alone." She had warned me.
The rest its all good..
Writing Style: 9/10
I love how you wrote the story. Its very nice.
Characterization: 8/10
I was sort of confuse, because i don't know which girl your talking about. You should have gave them names or make it specifically.
Communication With Readers: 5/5
The communication here is strong. The way you write your story just make me feel the story. So good job!
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed reading your story although i prefer love/romance story better, but overall its great!
Bonus: +5
Total: 94/100
Not Enough Love Review
Story Title: Not Enough Love
Author: 'Niii
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/not_enough/
Status: complete
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 3/5
.. I feel stupid for saying this, but I ... don't get it o.o what does the title have to do with the story? Not Enough Love in the world could have saved poor Taemin? But there obviously was enough love since he saved her, even after death... I don't know. it just didn't make sense to me.
Forewords: 10/10
Excerpts out of your story really add to the forewords here ^^ It gives interesting little teasers that pull the reader in and make them wonder the context in which the quotes came.
First Impression: 10/10
Taemin's concentrated face made me want to read this quickly. The deep blue informed me that it would be a sad story, and I love reading those types of stories. I was happy because the text wasn't distracting, and neither was the background. Also, the quote is very deceiving. At first I thought that they would break up with each other, but nope ^^
Plot/Story line: 9/15
I thought it was very predictable from the beginning and the guardian angel promise. As soon as he said that I was like "... -.- he's going to die, isn't he" . But you kept the story going and you kept it interesting. I thought that the ending was humorous, how the doctors didn't' believe in guardian angels. I think that you should maybe try to make your writing a little more deceiving so that the readers can't figure out what will happen so early on in the story. This will help keep them interested and will make them want to read more.
Flow: 3/5
The different POVs could be confusing to some readers, so I thought that that was a little distracting and a little bit of a nuisance while reading the story. It took away from the overall picture since you had to stop and figure out whose point of view the story was being told from.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
I hate to say it, but the whole guardian angel and terminal illness concepts aren't really that... unique. Sure I love how you put it, and how you twisted it a little bit so that she almost died and that he saved her despite the odds, but... idunno. I would try tweaking this overall idea just a little bit more to make it more your own.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 14/15
and a set of constellations shone brightly than all the rest. (forewords)
and a set of constellations shone more brightly than all the rest.
I held on tightly onto you for dear life. (forewords)
not exactly a mistake, but on tightly onto? you should probably remove the first on.
Writing Style: 10/10
Absolutely ADORE your writing talents eunnie. Your word choices flow beautifully and piece together to form a perfectly knitted piece of work. It's hard to find flaws in the way that you write, and I really have to dig deep to find any at all.
Characterization: 9/10
You could have maybe described the character's personalities just a little bit more, but I think that you did an excellent job overall at getting the characters across to the reader to make them and their story seem real.
Communication with Readers: 5/5
^^ apologizing for the "crappy" ending eunnie? Awhh I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Was really cute how he saved her, even though she went through 10 whole bags of blood O.O ANYWAYS. You told the readers what YOU thought of your story, which I thought was really good. ^^
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Of course I enjoy all of your stories, but I love your sad endings, and the emotional impact that you always have in all of your one shots. Once I realized that I had a request that was something you had written just SITTING there, waiting to be reviewed, I was shocked. Normally I read things from you right away since I love your writing, but I just kind of... missed this one . sorri eunnie! ANYWAYS. I love the whole guardian angel concept. Like I said before, it isn't really unique, but AYE love it a lot ^^ its very romantic and I'm glad that you were able to intertwine it into your plot.
Subtotal: 85/100
Bonus: 5/5
For being THIS {} close to making me cry again, eunnie.
Total: 90/105
Author: 'Niii
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/not_enough/
Status: complete
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 3/5
.. I feel stupid for saying this, but I ... don't get it o.o what does the title have to do with the story? Not Enough Love in the world could have saved poor Taemin? But there obviously was enough love since he saved her, even after death... I don't know. it just didn't make sense to me.
Forewords: 10/10
Excerpts out of your story really add to the forewords here ^^ It gives interesting little teasers that pull the reader in and make them wonder the context in which the quotes came.
First Impression: 10/10
Taemin's concentrated face made me want to read this quickly. The deep blue informed me that it would be a sad story, and I love reading those types of stories. I was happy because the text wasn't distracting, and neither was the background. Also, the quote is very deceiving. At first I thought that they would break up with each other, but nope ^^
Plot/Story line: 9/15
I thought it was very predictable from the beginning and the guardian angel promise. As soon as he said that I was like "... -.- he's going to die, isn't he" . But you kept the story going and you kept it interesting. I thought that the ending was humorous, how the doctors didn't' believe in guardian angels. I think that you should maybe try to make your writing a little more deceiving so that the readers can't figure out what will happen so early on in the story. This will help keep them interested and will make them want to read more.
Flow: 3/5
The different POVs could be confusing to some readers, so I thought that that was a little distracting and a little bit of a nuisance while reading the story. It took away from the overall picture since you had to stop and figure out whose point of view the story was being told from.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
I hate to say it, but the whole guardian angel and terminal illness concepts aren't really that... unique. Sure I love how you put it, and how you twisted it a little bit so that she almost died and that he saved her despite the odds, but... idunno. I would try tweaking this overall idea just a little bit more to make it more your own.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 14/15
and a set of constellations shone brightly than all the rest. (forewords)
and a set of constellations shone more brightly than all the rest.
I held on tightly onto you for dear life. (forewords)
not exactly a mistake, but on tightly onto? you should probably remove the first on.
Writing Style: 10/10
Absolutely ADORE your writing talents eunnie. Your word choices flow beautifully and piece together to form a perfectly knitted piece of work. It's hard to find flaws in the way that you write, and I really have to dig deep to find any at all.
Characterization: 9/10
You could have maybe described the character's personalities just a little bit more, but I think that you did an excellent job overall at getting the characters across to the reader to make them and their story seem real.
Communication with Readers: 5/5
^^ apologizing for the "crappy" ending eunnie? Awhh I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Was really cute how he saved her, even though she went through 10 whole bags of blood O.O ANYWAYS. You told the readers what YOU thought of your story, which I thought was really good. ^^
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Of course I enjoy all of your stories, but I love your sad endings, and the emotional impact that you always have in all of your one shots. Once I realized that I had a request that was something you had written just SITTING there, waiting to be reviewed, I was shocked. Normally I read things from you right away since I love your writing, but I just kind of... missed this one . sorri eunnie! ANYWAYS. I love the whole guardian angel concept. Like I said before, it isn't really unique, but AYE love it a lot ^^ its very romantic and I'm glad that you were able to intertwine it into your plot.
Subtotal: 85/100
Bonus: 5/5
For being THIS {} close to making me cry again, eunnie.
Total: 90/105
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