Tied Fates Review

Story Title: Tied Fates

Author: hydraheiress

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/TFF/

Status: On-going

Reviewer: morning_glory

*Note: This in no way is to be taken as an offense against the author or the story. This is an honest review intended for critiquing and helping the story, nothing else.*

Title: 5/5 This title is quite appropriate for your story, seeing as how you show that even though they are not together, their fates are always together.:)

Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords is REALLY long. Maybe you should have made the Prologue as Chapter 1, so then it wouldn’t have seemed too cluttered. You could have just done a short summary, just to interest your readers. And you could have done a more detailed description of each character, just to give us an idea.

First Impression: 10/10 The background and poster do fit with the dark nature of the story; the font is easy to read, which is good.

Plot/Story line: 13/15 Your plot is really fantastical. I don’t think I have seen anything quite like it, which is good. The story line is different, and there does seem to be something important happening in every paragraph, each line, which moves the story along and doesn’t just fill up space.

Flow: 4/5 The flow of the story was at the beginning, kind of slow, when you started it. But it seemed to me that as it went along, the pace increased to a more steady pace, unfolding at a good rate.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10 Even though you adapted this from a manga, you said it yourself that some of this is definitely your idea, so I will give you points for that.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15 Your grammar and punctuation doesn’t really need that much correction, but there were just little things, that you could probably correct if you just looked over it once, and just spell-checked it. Your vocabulary was simple, but since this is your third language, I won’t really take off; just there are more words that you can use out there. :P

Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is pretty good for your third language. Even though it’s not flowery, that doesn’t really matter for this story, because it doesn’t really require that much fluff. There’s an adequate amount of both description and dialogue, which is really nice.

Characterization: 8/10 Your characterization of each of your characters is a work in progress; you could have depicted the minor characters more, with a bit more focus on them.

Communication with Readers: 5/5 Very good, you communicated with everyone as much as you could.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 I like fantasy stories, so this was great to read.

Subtotal: 84/100

Bonus: 2/5 Thanks for requesting from UD! ^^

Total: 86/100

July 26th Review

Title: July 26th

Author: Star-chan

Status: Completed

Reviewer: precious_star32 @ Untouchable Desires

Title: 5/5

The title fits your story well. It makes the readers think why is your title July 26?

Forewords: 9/10

I really like how you write your forewords. When I first read your forewords, I know that your story is really nice.

First Impression: 9/10

The poster is atrractive as well as the background. It matches your story. The title of your story makes the readers really curious. I like the title. My first impression on your story was, I started to question myself. Why is it July 26. So when I started reading it until the end, I finally got my answer.

Plot/Storyline: 13/15

Your story is quite unique. Although at first I was quite bored but your story is nice.

Flow: 5/5

The flow of your story is just right. So no problem with that.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10

Since your story is based on a true story, i consider this original.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15

You made a few mistakes though. Like you started with the conjunction "but".

You wrote: We were the same age and in the same class. But I still saw her from time to time.

It should be: We were the same age and in the same class, but I still saw her from time to time.

It would have been better if you wrote it this way...

You wrote: We went our separate ways, you walking your own path. I was walking mine.

It should be: We went our separate ways, your walking on your own path and I was walking mine.

You wrote: "See? This is why you don’t go to the toilets alone." She had warned me.

It should be: "See? This is why you shouldn't go to the toilets alone." She had warned me.

The rest its all good..

Writing Style: 9/10

I love how you wrote the story. Its very nice.

Characterization: 8/10

I was sort of confuse, because i don't know which girl your talking about. You should have gave them names or make it specifically.

Communication With Readers: 5/5

The communication here is strong. The way you write your story just make me feel the story. So good job!

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I enjoyed reading your story although i prefer love/romance story better, but overall its great!

Bonus: +5

Total: 94/100

Not Enough Love Review

Story Title: Not Enough Love
Author: 'Niii
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/not_enough/
Status: complete
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*

Title: 3/5

.. I feel stupid for saying this, but I ... don't get it o.o what does the title have to do with the story? Not Enough Love in the world could have saved poor Taemin? But there obviously was enough love since he saved her, even after death... I don't know. it just didn't make sense to me.

Forewords: 10/10

Excerpts out of your story really add to the forewords here ^^ It gives interesting little teasers that pull the reader in and make them wonder the context in which the quotes came.

First Impression: 10/10

Taemin's concentrated face made me want to read this quickly. The deep blue informed me that it would be a sad story, and I love reading those types of stories. I was happy because the text wasn't distracting, and neither was the background. Also, the quote is very deceiving. At first I thought that they would break up with each other, but nope ^^

Plot/Story line: 9/15

I thought it was very predictable from the beginning and the guardian angel promise. As soon as he said that I was like "... -.- he's going to die, isn't he" . But you kept the story going and you kept it interesting. I thought that the ending was humorous, how the doctors didn't' believe in guardian angels. I think that you should maybe try to make your writing a little more deceiving so that the readers can't figure out what will happen so early on in the story. This will help keep them interested and will make them want to read more.

Flow: 3/5

The different POVs could be confusing to some readers, so I thought that that was a little distracting and a little bit of a nuisance while reading the story. It took away from the overall picture since you had to stop and figure out whose point of view the story was being told from.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10

I hate to say it, but the whole guardian angel and terminal illness concepts aren't really that... unique. Sure I love how you put it, and how you twisted it a little bit so that she almost died and that he saved her despite the odds, but... idunno. I would try tweaking this overall idea just a little bit more to make it more your own.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 14/15

and a set of constellations shone brightly than all the rest. (forewords)

and a set of constellations shone more brightly than all the rest.

I held on tightly onto you for dear life. (forewords)

not exactly a mistake, but on tightly onto? you should probably remove the first on.

Writing Style: 10/10

Absolutely ADORE your writing talents eunnie. Your word choices flow beautifully and piece together to form a perfectly knitted piece of work. It's hard to find flaws in the way that you write, and I really have to dig deep to find any at all.

Characterization: 9/10

You could have maybe described the character's personalities just a little bit more, but I think that you did an excellent job overall at getting the characters across to the reader to make them and their story seem real.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

^^ apologizing for the "crappy" ending eunnie? Awhh I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Was really cute how he saved her, even though she went through 10 whole bags of blood O.O ANYWAYS. You told the readers what YOU thought of your story, which I thought was really good. ^^

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Of course I enjoy all of your stories, but I love your sad endings, and the emotional impact that you always have in all of your one shots. Once I realized that I had a request that was something you had written just SITTING there, waiting to be reviewed, I was shocked. Normally I read things from you right away since I love your writing, but I just kind of... missed this one . sorri eunnie! ANYWAYS. I love the whole guardian angel concept. Like I said before, it isn't really unique, but AYE love it a lot ^^ its very romantic and I'm glad that you were able to intertwine it into your plot.

Subtotal: 85/100

Bonus: 5/5

For being THIS {} close to making me cry again, eunnie.

Total: 90/105

Eternal Euphoria Review

Title; Eternal Euphoria

URL; http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/m_girl07b/

Author; m_girl07

Reviewer; xXSecretsXx @ Untouchable Desires

[ http://untouchable-desires.blogspot.com/ ]

Title; 2/5 - Your title is “Eternal Euphoria” and yet your story is sad. How does that relate? Doesn’t ‘euphoria’ mean happiness? Unless you were going for something ironic, I don’t think the title fits. Something like “One Last Kiss” or “Time Slips Away” would be more appropriate.

[ A/N; okay, I know those title suggestions were really bad. Sorry! I’m really bad at coming up with titles. ]

Poster // Background; 8/10 - The color of your background gives off a feeling of brightness which contrasts with your sad story. Maybe a darker color like gray would have been better. However, the poster is beautiful and fits your story well!

Forewords; 7/10 - Because the story is a short one-shot I don’t think it really required a preview of the story. However, maybe you could’ve put in a little quote that somehow relates to the story? You could’ve made it up or even a famous quote that has something to do with the story.

First Impression; 3/5 - Your poster, background color, and title contrast each other. The vivid background and happy title makes the story seem joyful while your poster gives off a more depressing vibe. Like I said above, a darker color and a sadder title would have been more fitting.

Plot // Story Line; 14/15 -The story was short so I guess it wasn’t much of a plot as it was more of a scene. The scene was good though because you captured Yunho’s emotions and the tense atmosphere. Maybe you could have made it just a bit more suspenseful by making a small incident where Yunho is actually talking to the doctor? Instead of just stating that the doctor said Eunhye was going to die, maybe it would have been better to actually show the dialogue shared between the doctor and Yunho to make it more heart wrenching? [ e.g. Was Yunho in denial at first? Did he accept it sadly, but calmly? ]

Flow; 10/10 - The story was short, but it was good how you still managed to explain how they met and their future plans by making Yunho reflect on his memories. Even though it was short, the story didn’t feel rushed.

Creativity // Originality; 13/15 - I suppose a loved one’s death isn’t an uncommon plot and dying from a cancer [ leukemia in this case ] is even more common, but I still enjoyed reading the story! Maybe you could have made her die from a different disease? Or a freak accident? :D [ okay, I’m kidding about the freak accident XD ] And instead of making her die in a hospital, maybe she could’ve died on the way to the hospital? Or in a dark alley way with robbers lurking around? O.o [ again, kidding! XD ]

Grammar // Spelling // Vocabulary // Punctuation; 9/10 - Practically no spelling errors! Yay! The word processor says that ‘colour’ is spelled wrong, but I know that in certain places they write it like that so technically that’s correct too. The only other one would be the word ‘tocked,’ but even that I think is alright. How else would you describe the ticking of a clock, right? ^^ Everything else was really good!

Writing Style; 10/10 - Writing style is good and easy to follow. ‘Nuff said.

Characterization; 9/10 - Well since Eunhye was just lying on a bed preparing to die, I guess there wasn’t much you could do for her character XD But you made Yunho into the perfect loving and caring husband that everyone wishes for, yes? ;D

Communication with Readers; Well, there isn’t much to say about this . . . yeah, I can’t think of anything XD

Overall Enjoyment; 85/100 – Great writing! :D I really did enjoy the story and it was interesting to read even though it was short ^^

Sub Total; 85/100

Bonus; +5 - I’m going to be just a bit biased here and give you extra points for using Yunho ;D Who doesn’t love DBSK, right? <3>

Total; 90/100

Every Second Counts Review

Story Title: Every Second Counts

Author: appleMIN

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/everysecond_AS/

Status: Completed/ one-shot

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: The reviewer has nothing against the writer and does not mean to be harsh in any way*

Title: 4/5

-Your title does relate to your story, especially the quote that you put at the end. The title is also interesting but I think it’s been used quite a bit.

Forewords: 9/10

-You had a great foreword; there was part of the one-shot, the introduction and a little author’s note=).

First Impression: 10/10

-When I first clicked on your story, I thought it was a very organized and I loved the colour of the font with the background; it wasn’t too hard on the eyes and I was able to just keep reading=p. I also loved your poster because it’s so pretty and it fit the mood of your story as well.

Plot/Story line: 13/15

-The plot was very straightforward and simple but at the same time, it was nicely thought out and had a lot of description so I was able to feel the mood you were trying to portray.

Flow: 5/5

-You had amazing flow and I think it’s one of the best I’ve seen so far. You didn’t leave any information out and things didn’t jump from one end to the other.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10

-The idea of it itself isn’t something that hasn’t been used many times but the way you wrote it was refreshing. When you think of the word “accident”, the first thing that would pop into your mind would be a car accident.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 15/15

-Your spelling and grammar is great! You used the right words to describe situations and you didn’t spell anything wrong. And, you know how to use a semi-colon properly=D! There is only one thing I noticed and it was this:

“It was neither happy nor sad smile…” (Chapter 1)

-Just add a “a” after “nor”.

Writing Style: 10/10

-I love your writing style because like I said before, I love the descriptions you use and you have a way with words=p.

Characterization: 8/10

-It’s a one-shot so you didn’t really get time to develop the characters but I knew what they were like even so. Hebe was the gentle one who was always optimistic while Arron is, you could say, her opposite=).

Communication with Readers: 3/5

-I only saw a few author’s notes after your foreword but in those one’s, you were very friendly and welcoming. You even recommended one to your readers=p.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

-I liked your story, I finished it without stopping=D. The look of it, the way it’s written as well as the characters!

Subtotal: 89/100

Bonus: 5/5

-I’m not going to repeat everything I just said up there^ but know that you deserved it=).

Total: 94/100

Like a Mockingbird [AM challenge] Review

Title: Like a Mockingbird [AM challenge]

Author: lust;

URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/mocking_lust

Reviewer: nutcracker

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Title: 4/5

Since this is a given (?) title, I have nothing to criticize about. The title definitely has connection to the story, BUT, it’s not interesting enough for me to want to click it until/if I read the forewords.

Forewords: 9/10

Considered okay for a short story, introductions are important. The good thing is that you didn’t give off much of what you’ll be writing, since I didn’t anticipate it to have such a twist in the story; Thumbs up for that.

"Hey, SooJin...even after this...I won't love you...even after death..."
Oppa said with his lovely smile before going off into sleep.

These lines changed it meaning at the end of the story, it was a really nice description.

First Impression: 4/5

The poster could be added with more details, but anyways, your poster had me feel neutralized. It wasn’t too bright, nor too dark, it was just right and I got into the depressing feeling quick.

Plot/Story line: 13/15

I went like okay... to WOW. Like she’s a maniac and obsessed with her boyfriend. I didn’t expect your story to end like that, just a perfectly completed story. Wow, kudos to you, it’s like reading some mystery fiction. I can’t really understand the ending, who clicked of the TV? Wasn’t the main girl dead?

Flow: 5/5

The flow of the story was just right. Though the chapters were short, I was able to infer from what you were writing. Well, stories ARE supposed to be like that right?

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

This is seriously one very creative and original story. Though two pointed views stories are common, but this is one that I have not encountered before, how you described from the girl’s and the guy’s is conveyed very well. I like your creativity, having the girl change from a nice (she’s supposed to be nice in the first chapter right?) girl to a crazy maniac.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 8/10

There were some really unnoticeable errors, until I pasted it in MS word. Anyways, it’s not any major discrepancies.

Writing Style: 5/5

It wasn’t strenuous to read, and the background colour wasn’t in the way.

Characterization: 9/10

The characterization was just great! But was Jonghoon a given character? He seemed like just a random fictional character also.

Communication with Readers: -/10

No communication at all. Maybe since the comments were only a few? Challenges are like that, its either the people would read it because they’re bored or they’ll read it because in the story are their favourite celebrities.

Overall Enjoyment: 12/15

The overall was okay; maybe elaborate more on the aftermath? I don’t really like short stories, since they sometimes end randomly, yours didn’t. It got me to continue read right from the click to the forewords. VERY well written for a first challenge, which was not off topic. I wish you luck in winning the challenge and for your future stories.

Total: 78/100

Death Note 4 - L, the Past to Future Review

Story: Death Note 4 – L, the Past to Future

Author: hara saihara

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cenielle/

Status: 22+ (ongoing)

Reviewer: iasianese @ untouchable-desires

*Disclaimer: This review is only to help the author, not being hush or anything, but if this review did not fit into your taste, then I truly am sorry. However, this is in hopes that I could help you improve on your writing for the future and if you decide to write, many more fan fictions.

Title: 4/5 [+2]

; Your title for this story wasn’t as catchy but for the death note lovers indeed it is, although I really liked the way how you wrote a title for the ‘forth’ story not just writing Death Note 4 the squeal.

Forewords: 6/10

; There wasn’t much information there, more of an author’s review of the movies of Death note.

; What you could have had done was add more information to the story you’re going to write or a little spoiler.

First Impression: 6/10

; My first impression was that this drama would be super close to the other Death Note series. Which turns out to be not that much, it’s more of a Lawliet story, although still good.

Plot/Story line: 10/15

; The story line is very original from what I’ve read so far, which is a great thing since I read many fan fictions here. Another thing is that you’re story does link to the actual Death Note, with the characters.

Flow: 4/5 [+1]

; The flow is good; it’s not rushed nor is it going too fast, which I have to say is a good point.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

; I don’t think there are many Death Note related fan fictions out there on this site, so I believe you’re story is very creative and original.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 14/15

; I didn’t really find any spelling mistakes though I think you could’ve done better in your grammar. Your sentence’s at times are too short, make it longer a bit and don’t start sentences with ‘but’. Change it to something else, such as: Nevertheless, Although, Then.

Writing Style: 8/10 [+4]

; Your writing style is amazing, an author’s touch. Therefore I don’t think I need to say anymore about it but keep up the great work!

Characterization: 8/10

; There weren’t that many characters which allowed you to explain and show more of them, which is a good thing. Nevertheless it allowed you to clearly tell the nature of their past and present life.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

; Communication was strong; therefore it is to be a great thing. I would advise you to keep up with your writing style but try to put in a hint of more compassion into your writing that way readers can feel what you’re trying to say and express.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

; It’s very interesting yet intense at the same time, which shows a lot of emotions that is around the storyline.

Subtotal: 63/100

Bonus: 7 points ;) This is because of the effort and because I liked the way how you tried to show and explain many parts in your story.

Total: 70/100