I Love You Too Review

Story Title: I Love You Too

Author: saranghaeyo

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/saranghaeyo_80/

Status: Completed

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: This reviewer has nothing against the writer and anything said is meant to help them improve. If anything sounds harsh, it is not meant to be and hopefully the write won’t take it the wrong way=)*

Title: 2/5

-Your title isn’t very catchy or appealing; if I saw it in a list, I might’ve just read past it. This is partially because your title can apply to any story really and doesn’t say much about YOUR story and what makes it unique.

Forewords: 10/10

-I see nothing wrong with your foreword and it has a little of everything so your readers know who you are and what kind of story you’re going to be telling.

First Impression: 7/10

-From the graphics and the colours that you used, I got the feeling that it was going to be a light read and wasn’t going to be anything too depressing, which is good because I’ve been losing a lot of tears lately=p! Browsing through your contents though, you had a lot of “skips” and blank pages.

Plot/Story line: 12/15

-You carried out everything all right, your flow was a bit off but that’s another section. You had a lot of conflicts which is good because that keeps things interesting. You also didn’t just leave it unsolved which is good because that can be frustrating when writers don’t go back to it.

Flow: 2/5

-There are certain things that don’t make sense when it comes to your story. They were things that might make readers question things or scratch their heads and wonder what’s going on.

In chapter 21, Ji Yong said he loves “me” my whole life but he gets a girl pregnant and suddenly it’s okay to break up just like that? If he really loved me as much as he said he did, he broke up with me very suddenly and just forgot our love?

In chapter 29, “I” am afraid of Yoochun’s touches after I was beat up by Boa but “I” wasn’t raped by her; if anything, I should be afraid of him after I was almost raped by TOP.

When “I” found out I was pregnant, everyone was so happy even though it happened while we were so young. I think it should be more realistic if some people were against it. I mean, if me or you came home pregnant, I’m sure our parents wouldn’t be all cheerful.

Creativity/Originality: 6/10

-Your ideas weren’t things that I haven’t read before but it was different having to picture myself as the female lead and I’ve seen them around but never actually read one myself=p.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 11/15

-There’s nothing wrong with the spelling of your words but there were a bit of grammar mistakes. I know no one’s perfect but I just thought I’d point them out and tell you so you can keep a lookout for them in the future because it looks like you write a lot!

“I really miss you _____ saranghaeyo…” (Chapter 1)

-There should be a comma after the blank so that there is a pause.

“I am the richest and most handsomest guy in the school so watch your mouth!" (Chapter 3)

-It would sound better if you just said “handsome” because even though the word “handsomest” does exist, it’s not really proper and it would be better if you didn’t use it too often.

“When I looked up to see who did this to me I saw a whole bunch of meaning looking girls. Correction sluts.” (Chapter 3)

-You’re missing a few punctuations here. Remember what I said about the pause and mean doesn’t need the “ing”. It should be: “When I looked up to see who did this to me, I saw a bunch of mean looking girls; correction, sluts.

"Ms.Kim please take your seat I know this is your first day but you should know how to take your seat when the bell rings at least." (Chapter 6)

-There should be a comma after “Ms. Kim” because she’s addressing someone. There should also be a period after “seat” because you change the subject after that.

"daddy where did auntie hyeboo go?...She went to live with her son in the sky." (Chapter 43)

-I’m assuming you’re talking about “me” but I didn’t know my name was “Hyeboo” =p.

Writing Style: 6/10

-You don’t put much description into your writing so sometimes it’s hard to picture things and get the feel of the atmosphere. Maybe if you did this more, readers could feel the mood better.

Characterization: 6/10

-I know they’re all celebrities and not fictional but even in fanfics, they tend to have their own personalities. You should’ve worked a bit more on who they were and where they came from so readers already know what they’re like.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

-Of course I’m going to give you a perfect score for this because you always leave little friendly notes=).

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

-This is my first fanfic where I have to picture myself so it was very interesting. I still enjoyed it despite what I said about the flow=p.

Subtotal: 70/100

Bonus: 4/5

-Anything with DBSK always deserve a bonus=D!

Total: 74/100