Story Title: Think Fast
Author: Ji_Yoon
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Juliada3
*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*
Title: 2/5
I am confused. On the title, when you click on it, my title bar says "one-shots." So I was reading your story under the impression that these were going to be one-shots, but they really weren't. Your title is okay and fits with your story and title. Could you fix the one-shot thing please? It really confuses readers.
I am confused. On the title, when you click on it, my title bar says "one-shots." So I was reading your story under the impression that these were going to be one-shots, but they really weren't. Your title is okay and fits with your story and title. Could you fix the one-shot thing please? It really confuses readers.
Forewords: 5/10
Your forewords didn't really tell much. I know you were having people apply for roles, but after you got all of the roles assigned, you could have given a synopsis of your story to entice readers. You also could have explained the personalities of the guys so the girls applying would be able to have more information so they could pick a guy.
Your forewords didn't really tell much. I know you were having people apply for roles, but after you got all of the roles assigned, you could have given a synopsis of your story to entice readers. You also could have explained the personalities of the guys so the girls applying would be able to have more information so they could pick a guy.
First Impression: 8/10
Your poster looks good, and has all the members of Super Junior on it. The title was intriguing and made me want to find out what your stories were about. I saw that you had lots of chapters, but since you said most of them are short, I thought that it wouldn't take too long to read them all.
Your poster looks good, and has all the members of Super Junior on it. The title was intriguing and made me want to find out what your stories were about. I saw that you had lots of chapters, but since you said most of them are short, I thought that it wouldn't take too long to read them all.
Plot/Story line: 10/15
I thought your plot was pretty interesting. I haven't read many ghost stories, and I thought the old legend repeating itself was a good touch. It wasn't a conventional story, and it certainly was different. There were some moments where I really wanted to know what would happen next, and then there were some parts where I could tell what was going to happen. If you kept up the suspense and made it even more mysterious, then when everything was revealed, it would be very dramatic. You also could have explained everything in the end. You could have revealed what you were hinting to, and have the characters think about it and realize how their actions fit with the riddle. That way, people would have understood it better.
I thought your plot was pretty interesting. I haven't read many ghost stories, and I thought the old legend repeating itself was a good touch. It wasn't a conventional story, and it certainly was different. There were some moments where I really wanted to know what would happen next, and then there were some parts where I could tell what was going to happen. If you kept up the suspense and made it even more mysterious, then when everything was revealed, it would be very dramatic. You also could have explained everything in the end. You could have revealed what you were hinting to, and have the characters think about it and realize how their actions fit with the riddle. That way, people would have understood it better.
Flow: 2/5
There were several places where I felt the flow was too fast. If you slowed the story down a bit in those big action places and build up to it, it will flow much better. There were also places where the flow was too slow. You could have put all of their dates in one chapter and made it one long chapter instead of writing a couple of sentences per chapter. Or, if you wanted to do it that way, you could elaborate a little more and make it longer and more interesting.
There were several places where I felt the flow was too fast. If you slowed the story down a bit in those big action places and build up to it, it will flow much better. There were also places where the flow was too slow. You could have put all of their dates in one chapter and made it one long chapter instead of writing a couple of sentences per chapter. Or, if you wanted to do it that way, you could elaborate a little more and make it longer and more interesting.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
This story was pretty creative. The content is pretty different from other fanfics that I have read, and your ideas were pretty original. For example, to have an old legend resurface? That's cool. If you had added a major battle, then it would have been even better. Keep working on adding completely new ideas to your story, and that will make your story number 1.
This story was pretty creative. The content is pretty different from other fanfics that I have read, and your ideas were pretty original. For example, to have an old legend resurface? That's cool. If you had added a major battle, then it would have been even better. Keep working on adding completely new ideas to your story, and that will make your story number 1.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15
There were a couple of spelling mistakes, but nothing too big. But there were a few grammar problems, and I wanted to help you fix those. You also had some punctuation missing or you put it in the wrong places, so I also wanted to help you with those.
Chapter 2:
"There are many legends in history, some plesant, some unfortunate."
It should be:
"There are many legends in history; some were pleasant, and some were unfortunate."
"One of these many legends is still undecided if it is fiction or fact."
It should be:
"On one of these many legends, people are still undecided about whether it is fiction or fact."
"I think, the whole challenge is stupid." SungMin stated. "Well, it's our friends fault so when we make it out remember to include them in your speech."
It should be:
"I think the whole challenge is stupid," SungMin stated. "Well, it's our friends' fault, so when we make it out remember to include them in your speech."
Chapter 7:
Each of you will be recieving a torch drenched in water, you must light the torch before your partner loses air, at the same time your partner has to be freed and help you light the torch.
It should be:
Each of you will be receiving a torch drenched in water. You must light the torch before your partner loses air, and at the same time, your partner has to free themselves and help you light the torch.
Chapter 11:
"I know, I have an unsettling feeling in my stomach."
It should be:
"I know, I have an unsettled feeling in my stomach though."
Chapter 12:
Only fold it in half twice no more no less, why are there less of you where is almost half of them?"
It should be:
Only fold it in half twice, no more, no less. Why are there less of you? Where are the other competitors?"
Chapter 16:
The girs apporachd his voice and he nodded in satisfaction at they're kind of formal attire.
It should be:
The girls approached the spot where they had heard his voice. He looked at them, and nodded at their casual-formal attire.
Writing Style: 6/10
Your writing style is in paragraph form which is good because you can add more details that way. You could have added more space in between several sentences so people could read your story better without having to squint or getting lost. When you are telling whose POV it is in chapter 6, I almost couldn't tell because you typed it in lowercase instead of uppercase like you normally do. If you change that, then your readers won't have to look and guess.
There were a couple of spelling mistakes, but nothing too big. But there were a few grammar problems, and I wanted to help you fix those. You also had some punctuation missing or you put it in the wrong places, so I also wanted to help you with those.
Chapter 2:
"There are many legends in history, some plesant, some unfortunate."
It should be:
"There are many legends in history; some were pleasant, and some were unfortunate."
"One of these many legends is still undecided if it is fiction or fact."
It should be:
"On one of these many legends, people are still undecided about whether it is fiction or fact."
"I think, the whole challenge is stupid." SungMin stated. "Well, it's our friends fault so when we make it out remember to include them in your speech."
It should be:
"I think the whole challenge is stupid," SungMin stated. "Well, it's our friends' fault, so when we make it out remember to include them in your speech."
Chapter 7:
Each of you will be recieving a torch drenched in water, you must light the torch before your partner loses air, at the same time your partner has to be freed and help you light the torch.
It should be:
Each of you will be receiving a torch drenched in water. You must light the torch before your partner loses air, and at the same time, your partner has to free themselves and help you light the torch.
Chapter 11:
"I know, I have an unsettling feeling in my stomach."
It should be:
"I know, I have an unsettled feeling in my stomach though."
Chapter 12:
Only fold it in half twice no more no less, why are there less of you where is almost half of them?"
It should be:
Only fold it in half twice, no more, no less. Why are there less of you? Where are the other competitors?"
Chapter 16:
The girs apporachd his voice and he nodded in satisfaction at they're kind of formal attire.
It should be:
The girls approached the spot where they had heard his voice. He looked at them, and nodded at their casual-formal attire.
Writing Style: 6/10
Your writing style is in paragraph form which is good because you can add more details that way. You could have added more space in between several sentences so people could read your story better without having to squint or getting lost. When you are telling whose POV it is in chapter 6, I almost couldn't tell because you typed it in lowercase instead of uppercase like you normally do. If you change that, then your readers won't have to look and guess.
Characterization: 5/10
There were so many characters that I couldn't understand them all and I couldn't remember which was which. You described some of their personalities well, but a lot of the girls were not described well at all. I didn't understand the characters as well as I would have liked.
There were so many characters that I couldn't understand them all and I couldn't remember which was which. You described some of their personalities well, but a lot of the girls were not described well at all. I didn't understand the characters as well as I would have liked.
Communication with Readers: 3/5
You did okay with this, but you could improve. Keep working hard!
You did okay with this, but you could improve. Keep working hard!
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Subtotal: 70/100
Bonus: 2/5
Total: 72/100
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