Questionable Fluff Review

Story Title: Questionable Fluff

Author: .flavored

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/flavored_7

Status: Completed

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ Untouchable Desires

*Note: Please DO NOT take my comments seriously as to getting insulted. I am here to help you improve, or what not. I have nothing against the author and vice versa. I am here to do my job so please take my comments as something to benefit from, rather than insults. I am a harsh reviewer that may say things that are not pleasing to the author, yet again I am just a reviewer, here to help the author improve their writing skills and intelligence.*

Title: 3/5

The title was really interesting. I liked it since it was REALLY unique. The connection with the story, although, is somewhat off. The meanings of the words can connect to the actual title and story, but the connection wasn’t strong enough. Make sure to choose a title that explains the story itself.

Forewords: 5/10

Your forewords were okay, I guess. I’m not a big fan of it though. You had definitions, but as the reader, do you think that it would be interesting for us to read? Maybe to some, yes. But for the rest, I wouldn’t say it’s captivating. Be sure to include previews and such into it. Introduction of characters and even the author is recommended. Just be sure to lengthen it and make it so that readers would be looking forward to it, not only because of the characters included in it.

First Impression: 8/10

I liked your poster and background. Your organization, although, can be improved.

Plot/Story line: 11/15

I loved your story, but I was disappointed in the end. You started off with Kim Bum saying bye to Soeun, but in the end they live happily ever after. I know some start like that, but there’s no connection at all. During the climax, I was really excited and LOVING what was happening at the time, but the ending doesn’t seem to fit. I think it all happened too fast. ALSO, when they were set up, it wasn’t explained thoroughly. Yes, one is a sadist and the other is a masochist, but don’t you think that having both in a relationship is trouble? Explanations in detail would’ve been appreciated. Nonetheless, I liked your story and I know that you have the ability to improve on them.

Flow: 3/5

The flow was fast; way too fast. Concerning the ending, it was too fast. Be sure to give the ending a thorough edit because that’s what most people look at. Yes, a happy ending is fine, but a well done ending is much better.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

I found the story really creative at some point. I did feel that you tried to make the story as creative and original as possible. I believe you deserved the 8. Good job.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15

Your grammar was well done. I understood everything. Your grammar and vocabulary were back and forth from simple to complex which is fine. Once in a while you made spelling mistakes, also affecting your grammar. I found that you really didn’t need help on this one since you seemed experienced, and so my only advice would be that you re-read your story twice at the least. Sometimes, editing helps but people can still make mistakes or skip some stuff during then. I had no problems with your punctuation.

Writing Style: 7/10

Your writing style was done well. It’s a bit unorganized at some parts, but overall, it was well done. I guess you could just revise and fix your paragraphs. You’re at the satisfactory level and it is definitely acceptable.

Characterization: 8/10

“Being a reviewer, I have no rights in judging your choice of characters. I had no problems with your characterization. I’m not supposed to be picky with characters. It’s basically up to the author themselves to pick their characters.” Coming from me, the only thing you would be able to improve on is the way you introduce these characters. The character’s personalities were well portrayed which is good, but introducing them would be an addon.

Communication with Readers: 3/5

No problem. You communicated with them well. & you made sure they were still there ;)

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Your story was REALLY REALLY interesting. DO improve your endings though.

Subtotal: 71/100

Bonus: 3/5

I know that this request was requested long time ago, so I’m really sorry for the lateness. I hope my comments weren’t harsh :(

Total: 74/100