River Flows In You Review

Story Title: River Flows In You

Author: ‘Niii

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_riverflow/

Status: Completed ; One-shot

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ Untouchable Desires

*Note: Please DO NOT take my comments seriously as to getting insulted. I am here to help you improve, or what not. I have nothing against the author and vice versa. I am here to do my job so please take my comments as something to benefit from, rather than insults. I am a harsh reviewer that may say things that are not pleasing to the author, yet again I am just a reviewer, here to help the author improve their writing skills and intelligence.*

Title: 4/5

I liked your choice of title. Because of your choice, you were able to back your story up with songs, etc. I liked the title, yes, but its connection with the story wasn’t strong. Rather, you weren’t able to refer to the title as much as I was hoping. Basically, the only thing I want you to improve on is the actual connection between the story and the title. Besides that, it was good.

Forewords: 5/10

It wasn’t enough for me. Let’s just say that I WAS left hanging, but I guess it wasn’t detailed enough. I know that in the forewords you aren’t supposed to give away much, but lengthening it, in your case, would help a lot. Next time, just add more to your forewords, but remember not to give away the one-shot, alright?

First Impression: 8/10

The poster and background was good. The story didn’t capture my eyes immediately though. Since you didn’t make the poster, this doesn’t go to you. Organization is well done though.

Plot/Story line: 13/15

In some cases, I got lost. Indeed, your storyline and plot had its own originality, but the whole leaving part is very obvious to me. Just make sure that when you make your sentences complex, make sure you don’t lose the readers half way through.

Flow: 3/5

The flow was good for a one shot; it wasn’t too fast or to slow.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

I liked what you were able to put into the story. Concerning the organization, you were able to manage it and add your own creativity at the same time; same with the originality. The only thing I’d advice you is to make sure that you don’t get carried away with creativity. I mean, it’s great that you have a lot of creativity, but being to overwhelm can confuse the readers.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 13/15

I didn’t see any problems with you here. But then again, I got lost because of your language. I had to read it twice, but then again, it may just be me. Continue what you’re doing.

Writing Style: 8/10

The writing style was indeed likeable. It was really easy to read. Do continue this.

Characterization: 9/10

Alright, so here is my explanation: “Being a reviewer, I have no rights in judging your choice of characters. I had no problems with your characterization. I’m not supposed to be picky with characters. It’s basically up to the author themselves to pick their characters.”

You managed to portray the personalities of the characteristics well here. Good be better, but I couldn’t ask for more. JUST please do consider making their personalities well known.

Communication with Readers: 3/5

Pretty good :) The readers love you, be sure to communicate with them a lot :P

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I liked your story. Good job.

Subtotal: 77/100

Bonus: 3/5

Sorry for making you wait :S, Good luck! & for the misunderstanding we had with the request, I apologize sincerely.

Total: 80/105