D14's Review

Story Title: ‘Cassiopeia’: The Witness of our Journey

Author: D14

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/d14/

Status: Ongoing

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: Any harsh comments made by the reviewer are not intentional and are meant to help the writer in every way possible. The reviewer would also like to apologize for taking her time with this review=p.*

Title: 4/5

-Your title was very unique and I’ve never seen “Cassiopeia” used, although you’d think a lot of people would=p. I don’t really get what “journey” you’re talking about but I guess that’s going to come up later on in the story.

Forewords: 10/10

-You had a perfect foreword because it told people what it was about, you gave them a preview and had an author’s note. If I was a reader, I’d want to click ‘next’!

First Impression: 8/10

-Your fanfic was very organized and even had subtitles for each chapter. The graphics for it were also nicely done but your background made it hard to read sometimes because of the words.

Plot/Story line: 11/15

-Everything was put together well because you explained a bit of her past and then went into the present. The storyline was interesting but it didn’t really leave me wanting more.

Flow: 3/5

-I found your story to have a lot of things occur out of the blue; like their feelings for each other. She thinks Junsu is cute, Yunho has somewhat of an attraction to Yoon Ri, etc. You could’ve progressed that better or maybe developed it so that it didn’t occur so suddenly.

Creativity/Originality: 5/10

-It wasn’t anything I didn’t already read many times and see in dramas. When an average girl meets or lives next to a celebrity and they suddenly fall in love with each other. You did add in your own flavour to it, especially the names of the drinks=D!

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15

-Despite what you say about English not being your first language, I think your grammar is pretty good! There are a few things that I noticed that you tend to repeat but I’ll point them out for you so you know what I’m talking about and will know in the future=):

“She had a long black silky hair; it was straight although kind of mess. Her bangs

cover her closed eyes and their long lashed.” (Chapter 1)

-This sentence should be: “She had long, black silky hair; it was straight, although kind of messy. Her bangs covered her closed eyes and her long lashes”. When you say a ‘hair’, you’re implying that she only has one piece of hair.

“Yeah. That was my childhood friend, Choi Seul Yeon.” (Chapter 2)

-It’s the same idea so you can use a comma instead of a period.

“…and order me a menu with my name.” Changmin answered.” (Chapter 5)

-‘Menu’ should be ‘item’ because a menu is the actual book they give you to order from.

“It was next to my room and a little different, it was bigger, maybe twice bigger than my room.” (Chapter 6)

-The last part should be “…maybe twice as big as my room”.

“I feel like threw you to trash bin.” (Chapter 8)

-‘Threw” should be “throwing” because she hasn’t done it yet.

“Come on, as a Cassiopeia, I would do anything to have a dinner at DBSK’s apartment.” (Chapter 11)

-“Cassiopeia” should be “Cassiopeian” or “member of Cassiopeia” because by itself, it’s a place or group.

“…I felt like to thrown away this ‘leader’ position and ran away. Ran away for the sake of my life. Ran away from those super tight schedules.” (Chapter 11)

-“Ran” should be “run”

Writing Style: 7/10

-Writers have different writing styles, which make each of them unique. Yours wasn’t anything too special because you didn’t provide many details about the setting or in general but it was still nice and light=).

Characterization: 7/10

-Like I said before, some of the feelings of the characters were developed too quickly which kind of made it sudden but other than that, everything else was fine.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

-How could I not give you a perfect score for this section? You pretty much had a message every chapter and you were so friendly!

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

-I really did like your fanfic because I love cafes and love DBSK! It was nice and a light read, nothing too complicated=).

Subtotal: 73/100

Bonus: 5/5

-Like I said, I love DBSK so…hehe=p.

Total: 78/100