Story Title: Wishing for the Miracle…
Author: 13nz
Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/JunPin/
Status: On-going
Reviewer: morning_glory
*Note: This in no way is to be taken as an offense against the author or the story. This is an honest review intended for critiquing and helping the story, nothing else.*
Title: 3/5 The title kind of gives away the main point of the story, and you can feel that this might be kind of sad. Also, it's grammatically incorrect: maybe it could be Wishing For the Miracle..., or Wishing for the miracle... instead?
Forewords: 8/10 The forewords were pretty straight-forward, you introduced your characters, and you gave a short summary. Just maybe check your grammar when you type the summary, there were 2-3 errors.
She loved him since the first time they met.. (She loved him ever since the first time they met.)
He cared a lot for her but he doesn’t realized that he loves her until they meet again..
(He cared a lot for her but he didn’t realize that he loves her until they meet again.)
Her dream was to give him eternal happiness, but could she fulfill her dreams when she have to fight for her own life against her illness?
(Her dream was to give him eternal happiness, but could she fulfill her dreams when she has to fight for her own life against her illness?)
Is there still a miracle for their love?
First Impression: 10/10 The poster and the background were really pretty; they gave a wistful, dreamy quality to the page.
Plot/Story line: 10/15 Your plot was a girl loves guy, guy finally realizes it plot. It was similar to others with the same idea, but your way of writing and your little details make all the difference. Also, cliffhangers are good, but I want to know, do you know what your next moment, where the next little part of your story is going? Because that is important, in terms of the story as a whole.
Flow: 3/5 It went from main point to main point, which was good; you could have delayed their meeting a bit, though; give us an idea of how she was before she saw him again.
Creativity/Originality: 8/10 As I said, it was a bit common, but you built your story with your own ideas, giving it your own originality.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15 A couple grammar problems, but nothing really big. Sometimes a bit hard to understand, but I get the point. Just try spell-checking it, and that should be fine. :)
Writing Style: 7/10 Your writing style is mostly dialogue; maybe more description, so that your readers can imagine what you are talking about.
Characterization: 8/10 Since this story was basically about two people, your way of presenting them was good; but, since Jaejoong is now the third wheel, maybe you should get in his head a bit too?
Communication with Readers: 5/5 You communicated with your readers a lot and often, which is good.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 This story is really good, just keep doing your best! :)
Subtotal: 79/100
Bonus: 5/5
Total: 84/100
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