Story Title: Don't Feed the Animals (One-Shot)
Author: Andi
Status:
Reviewer:
*Note: I am not prejudiced toward the author or their fanfic in any way, this review is purely objective and is intended to help the author in becoming a better writer.*
Title: 5/5
Your title fit perfectly with your story. It is different from most other stories, and makes some people curious as to what the story is about. Your poster is also appropriate as it goes with the mood from the story, which is very happy. In the poster, everyone is happy. Good job!
Forewords: 8/10
Your forewords are pretty good. You introduced the characters, and you gave a little synopsis of the story, and created suspense so readers would want to continue. You did a pretty good job, and your description of your characters and your synopsis were both to the point. It gave us a good idea of the characters' personalities.
First Impression: 8/10
When I first saw the title of this fanfic in my inbox, I wondered, "What is this story about?" When I clicked on the link, the poster came up, and the background loaded. The whole effect gave me the impression that this story would be interesting.
Plot/Story line: 14/15
Your plot was interesting. In reality, if you met your favorite idols of all time, you would probably be screaming your head off, right? But in your fanfic, your heroine is in shock, which is also possible. I was interested with about the date, and I wanted to know what would happen next. When four of the guys tried to flirt with the girl, I thought the last one would too. Surprisingly, he didn't, and just tried to be himself. And when Jaejoong rode out on an elephant, I was totally not expecting that. It was a wonderful addition, and I was laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I really liked your plot.
Flow: 4/5
Your story flowed well, and it was not too fast or too slow. You didn't try to throw everything together and make everything happen too fast, which can happen quite frequently with a one-shot. This was not one of those times.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
The elephant and Jaejoong part was totally original. I also have never read a story set in the zoo. That was pretty creative. I have read stories before where the main character, who is usually normal, goes on a date with a star, but you put your own spin on it.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15
There were several grammar mistakes, but you had no spelling mistakes whatsoever. You had good vocabulary, but you could have added a bit more. Your punctuation was good, and I didn't notice any mistakes at all. You just have to polish up your grammar, and you will be perfect!
Writing Style: 7/10
Your writing style is not script, so that's good. You leave plenty of space in between ideas, so that makes it clear and easy to read. It is very neat and you don't change the style randomly.
Characterization: 7/10
Your descriptions of Jaejoong, Yoochun, Yunho, Changmin, and Junsu in the forewords match with their actions in the fanfic. Jaejoong tries to be romantic with Emily. Yoochun tries to sweet talk her. Yunho tries to seduce her. Junsu is very innocent and tells Emily straight out that he's not ready for a girlfriend. Changmin barely talks until the end. Emily is caught in between all of the guys and their attempts to flirt with her.
Communication with Readers: 4/5
You communicated with the reader very well. There were lots of times where the situation merited a laugh. I laughed so much that my hiccups which I had earlier disappeared. Thanks for helping me!
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I loved this fanfic! It was hilarious and made me laugh. You are a very good writer. I hope you write many more fanfics! Keep working hard!
Subtotal: 81/100
Bonus: 4/5
Total: 85/100
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