Free Your Mind Review

Story Title: Free Your Mind

Author: bangumGD

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/FYM/

Status: On-going

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: The reviewer has nothing against the writer or fanfic. This was reviewed with an open-mind and anything that may sound harsh is only meant to help them.*

Title: 2/5

-Your title isn’t very eye-catching or original. I can see how it can relate to your story though because everyone around he seems to be ignorant and think that because she’s Caucasian, she can’t speak Korean; except for the 2PM boy=D! “One Way Out” also sounds like something an angst or dramatic story would be called, yours was more of a melodramatic, romantic comedy so it might give readers the wrong idea but don’t change it now! You’re too far in=p.

Forewords: 7/10

-Your foreword was a great introduction to the story but it didn’t really say anything else about it like who was in it, the plot, an author’s note, etc. But it did set the mood of the story which is always great=).

First Impression: 8/10

-I loved the colours you used for the background and poster because it reflected the mood of your story perfectly. It was light and made you feel relaxed, like your fanfic^^.

Plot/Story line: 9/15

-The plot of your story isn’t bad, it has a little bit of everything but it isn’t really original (I’ll explain more later on). Your plot didn’t have anything I haven’t read in other fanfics like the whole high school drama but I still liked it because I kept clicking “next”. =p

Flow: 4/5

-You had great flow in your story and when she met someone that was nice to her, it wasn’t so sudden. Everything had a nice flow to it and there was nothing out of the ordinary. However, things do seem to drag on a bit.

Creativity/Originality: 4/10

-Like I said, I didn’t really see anything original because a lot of other stories have the same things in them, especially the ones that revolve around high school life but the idea of having a foreigner transfer over to their school is a first=)!

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 11/15

-You actually have very good grammar and spelling! I spotted a few mistakes here and there but it wasn’t anything too big. You did seem to forget to put your commas in certain places but that can be fixed^^.

“The remainder of their lunch was quietly, well as quiet as a school lunch was.” (Chapter 1)

-“Quietly” should be “quiet” because it’s not an action that someone is doing; you are describing something.

“She was quiet the looker…” (Chapter 2)

-You used the wrong spelling, it should be “quite”.

“Walking over Chase sat on the side of his bed and stared at his peaceful facade.” (Chapter 5)

-There should be a comma after “Walking over” because you want to break the thought but not completely because it’s the same idea. Great use of the word ‘facade’ though!

“Sitting down in between Taecyeon and Nichkhun Chase tilted her head to the side…” (Chapter 6)

-It’s the same idea here. There should be a comma after “Taecyeon and Nichkhun” because if you say it without it, it seems like Nichkhun’s last name is Chase=D!

“Laugh Chase covered her mouth with her hand…” (Chapter 8)

-This sentence should be reworded to: “Laughing, Chase covered her mouth with her hand…”

Writing Style: 7/10

-I like your writing style which is why I kept clicking next=p. I think you can use a little more description though when it comes to scenes and the setting.

Characterization: 6/10

-There wasn’t much development with the characters throughout the characters except for maybe Chase and her little brother. We know where they come from and their background but we don’t really know who they are as people. And the other characters seem to be just there=s. But you do describe what they look like physically*hint hint* which is a great start.

Communication with Readers: 5/5

-Of course I’m going to give you a perfect score for this because look at the long replies you posted at the end! And he notes you left for your beloved readers when you couldn’t update for a day. Now that’s dedication^^!

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

-I enjoyed it very much! I thought it was funny and a light-read. I was going to read the other chapters another day but I just kept going and going and the next thing I knew, I was done!

Subtotal: 67/100

Bonus: 5/5

-I’m going to give you bonuses for having a story that kept me reading and I just started reading 2PM fanfics and they’re starting to grow on me=p. I hope you liked your review and I’m glad you like my way of reviewing=D!

Total: 72/100