One Way Out Review

Story Title: One Way Out

Author: Fynrile

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/fynrile3/

Status: On-going

Reviewer: m_girl07

*Note: The reviewer has nothing against the writer or the themes discussed in the story. This review is purely based on a professional level and is meant to help the writer.*

Title: 2/5

-Your title was very simple and I don’t think it really summarized you story. You should’ve chosen something that related to your story more; that way, readers will know. It could be because your fanfic isn’t done yet but is Sungmin trying to get out of the lifestyle that he entered?

Forewords: 7/10

-Your forewords was a bit unorganized and with fanfics, you don’t need to provide pictures because most of the time, they read certain stories because of the characters so they already know what they look like. You gave readers a preview of what’s to come, which is good. One thing you forgot to do that was important was the warning. You’re fanfic isn’t only yaoi, but it’s also rated, very rated actually=p. I don’t mind reading rated because, well, I’m old enough (lol) but there are a lot of people out there who are still uncomfortable with it so it would be nice to give them a heads up.

First Impression: 8/10

-My first impression of it was that it was going to be something dark and anything but happy and cheerful. I was right for the most part. You also matched the colours of the fonts and the colours of the poster so it all fit perfectly=).

Plot/Story line: 10/15

-Your plot was interesting but I felt there were a lot of things missing. I’ll explain more in the other sections but a lot of the things you included in your plot were things that have been done before.

Flow: 2/5

-Everything between your characters happened way too fast. It was not developed properly and things were a bit rushed. How could you hate someone and then fall in love with them a few days after? And with Ryeowook being gang raped, that is something very traumatic but why does he open up to Yesung so quickly after? Be careful with the flow and make sure things make sense.

Creativity/Originality: 6/10

-A lot of the ideas you used in your story were things that have been done before. However, with these things, I give writers points if they give it their own twist. I can see you tried but it still wasn’t very original because if mostly involved cheating or having conflict with someone.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 13/15

-Your grammar and vocabulary is great and I didn’t see too many mistakes. With your story, I can just read through it without correcting things in my head. I did see a few mistakes with punctuation but it’s nothing too big so you don’t have to worry about it too much^^.

“Eeteuk looked at caring.” (Chapter 1)

-Remove the ‘ed’ because with it, it’s past tense and that sentence is implying something that is happening in the present.

“…and walked around for a while before he ran into a few people he knew.” (Chapter 4)

-You said he ran into a few people but after you only talk about one person. You should change it to “someone he recognized”.

“Ryeowook wished it would go by faster, but as soon as his school day was he wished time would go backwards because the time is coming and he doesn't know how to do it.” (Chapter 6)

-You should remove the comma and place it after ‘was’ because it separates the thought.

Writing Style: 9/10

-You have a very nice writing style and I liked the way you wrote. You gave lots of detail to the setting and what was happening so that it was easy to visualize. Your writing is also very organized so it wasn’t hard on the eyes.

Characterization: 5/10

-You didn’t develop your character at all. All of them just seemed to jump into the relationships and seemed to fall in love with each other five seconds after meeting each other. It’s great that you got things going but sometimes, because it’s so sudden, it makes things confusing and some readers might get frustrated. They also don’t know much about their backgrounds or where they came from.

Communication with Readers: 4/5

-You didn’t leave a note at the end of each chapter but when you did, it was so long! I’m glad you didn’t forget about them! Sometimes, it seems like readers just skip that part but it’s nice to always say ‘hello’=).

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

-Other than the things I mentioned, I didn’t mind reading. I’ve read a few yaoi and some rated ones too but none that had both together! It was interesting to see it put together.

Subtotal: 69/100

Bonus: 4/5

-I’m giving you bonuses for writing something that a lot of people are afraid to write. You also have a way with words; just remember to work on the flow things and it would be almost perfect!

Total: 73/100